so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
