dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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