Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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