you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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