Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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