I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
