I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
