im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
