How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
4 words: hood of his car
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
