the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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