So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
