I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
