He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
