She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
