I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
