around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
