I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
