It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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