Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
