I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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