Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

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  (480): just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers. http://tfl.nu/c1gi
  Replies (4) Good night (2557) Bad night (749)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

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  (414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0
  Replies (19) Good night (1050) Bad night (4729)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots

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  (706): rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots http://tfl.nu/r6ov
  Replies (102) Good night (6495) Bad night (850)
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  (310): View more from California

  I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.

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  (310): I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets. http://tfl.nu/76ec
  Replies (16) Good night (859) Bad night (2907)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.

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  (817): They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts. http://tfl.nu/tuhd
  Replies (7) Good night (5347) Bad night (918)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.

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  (509): I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job. http://tfl.nu/4wpv
  Replies (10) Good night (3696) Bad night (913)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

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  (515): i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/608m
  Replies (7) Good night (925) Bad night (2954)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too

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  (623): Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too http://tfl.nu/3dvb
  Replies (20) Good night (1798) Bad night (722)
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  (760): View more from California

  I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.

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  (760): I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional. http://tfl.nu/8oha
  Replies (1) Good night (887) Bad night (569)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"

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  (201): Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class" http://tfl.nu/e4eb
  Replies (2) Good night (853) Bad night (540)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.

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  (903): We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service. http://tfl.nu/lvor
  Replies (4) Good night (829) Bad night (495)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people

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  (503): get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people http://tfl.nu/medo
  Replies (1) Good night (1037) Bad night (794)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.

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  (505): We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it. http://tfl.nu/o399
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (434)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.

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  (516): I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers. http://tfl.nu/n7z5
  Replies (3) Good night (837) Bad night (712)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015

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  (970): I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015 http://tfl.nu/i7bt
  Replies (0) Good night (242) Bad night (179)

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