so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
