I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"