he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential