Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
