Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
