your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
