thus making me awesome and them whores
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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