Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
