i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and she was petting her beer can
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
