Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
