Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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