After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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