This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
