How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
