I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
