I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's blow job season.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor