This is not my ceiling
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
