i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.