dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra