She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.