Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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