Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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