At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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