I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
