i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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