i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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