Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
