i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
