There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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