FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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