I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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