Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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