im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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