so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize