No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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