she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
