To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
