i need an iv and a liver transplant
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
