At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
