I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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