they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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