I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
