The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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