Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
