worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
