I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
