He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize