Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
