im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
