I wish I could teleport
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
