Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my shit smells like andre
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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