she was so not down for the gang bang
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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