he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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