He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
