i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
