Im at strip club and am horny
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
