Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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