remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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