I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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