i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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