Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
