there's paper in my vomit.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
